


Silence is Screaming

by sweaterpawnoctis



Series: Andreil Song Fics [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 04:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10528935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweaterpawnoctis/pseuds/sweaterpawnoctis
Summary: When Neil disappears, Andrew wishes for the first time he would have done something more.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics are not mine. They belong to the song Silence is Screaming by In Fear and Faith.

_Please don't betray me I'm down on my knees._

_You can't turn around and walk away._

_Let me die another day._

 

Though he didn't respond, Andrew was left speechless by shock rather than choice. Those words Neil had said to him, ' _thank you. You were amazing_ ,' they rang in his head over and over like Nicky's iPod on repeat when he found a new song to obsess over. Never before had he wanted to listen to something so much, needing to pull apart every word he had never heard said that way before.

 

He couldn't remember the last time someone said, ' _thank you_ ,' so genuinely towards the likes of him before. Kevin muttered it under his breath in irritation when Andrew gave the bare minimum. Nicky gave it only when he got the keys to the car before or was given rides now. Aaron had never said the words to him and he was pretty sure he would never hear them from the mouth that was identical to his own.

 

In Aaron's defense, he wouldn't have said them to himself either.

 

' _You were amazing_.' Where that had even come from, Andrew wasn't sure entirely, not at first. It wasn't until he had looked into those sharp blue eyes that he saw the answer he was looking for. The keys, the trust, the honesty, the kisses..

 

He hated him. Andrew wanted to reach out and curl his fingers around that throat until the words disappeared into nothing. He wanted to make Neil shut up and swallow those words, known never to say them again because they were a lie. His blood boiled and his fingers curled into his palms instead as he tried not to lose his control.

 

The only thing keeping him from losing said control was knowing he didn't hate Neil at all. The pressure around his own throat wouldn't ease up as he had just given Neil that same, bored expression at the confession. It didn't need a response, he told himself, because soon they would be back on the roof and he would just kiss him hard there instead, getting his own side across.

 

So, he let Neil walk. He allowed him to just walk out of that locker room and he went for the bus, trying to ignore the way his chest tightened and his heart did that stupid fast pace beating thing. He hated that, too, that he couldn't control his own reaction to something like a couple of feel-good words.

 

As he thought now, he should have said something. He should have opened his mouth or grabbed for Neil and never let go because as he turned around at the first sound of Aaron's assault, he noticed Neil was gone. His body was going for his twin, ready to throw down with whoever attacked him, but his hazel eyes were searching for blue ones and they were simply just _gone_.

 

_I've come too far, to let this all end._

_You needed to know, you need to know._

_We'll never change._

 

Panic didn't hit immediately as he instinctively shoved himself in front of Aaron and grabbed the next wrist that came to attack him. Neil was brave, he was strong, he was street smart.. Yes, he had a big mouth on him and got himself into even more trouble than Andrew sometimes wondered if he was worth, but Neil wouldn't run from the team because of a little bottle and a shoe.

 

He let that reasoning get him through the riot as he reached his hands out and made sure to take most of the brutality that was aimed for his cousins and Kevin. He could handle this, this was easy, and he hadn't started it, so he wasn't looking to get into any trouble. He was just protecting.

 

Not seeing Neil in the crowd and hearing Matt shout for him was _not_ easy.

 

_And for a voice that never speaks, I hear you so well_

_This is a sign to lock your doors!_

 

He tried to focus on the crowd, on Wymack telling them to get onto the bus, but no one was making it. The force behind the riot was resilient and it was absolute chaos, just like his head. For a moment, he actually felt like he understood something for once.

 

Everything was a blur and he couldn't focus entirely on one thing. He didn't know whether to go for the arm reaching for Nicky's hair or the leg coming up to knee Kevin in the hip, so instead he launched himself in front of both and ended up getting elbowed in the eye.

 

Another blow landed into his stomach and he was pretty sure by the crack that came a second later that, that same wrist was now broken. His knee was jabbed by something, he wasn't particularly interested in what, and his arm was yanked to the point that he fell onto his knees.

 

_Fall through the cracks, you'll fall through the floor._

_And maybe you'll start to regret this more._

_And I'll never change, I swear!_

 

It was there that something specific caught his attention. As his gaze snapped up, trying to get its focus and clarity back, he noticed an orange bag in between dozens of fighting and running legs. His heart seized at this new information, trying to process it, but he was failing to do so when familiar hands were curling into his biceps and yanking him up.

 

Kevin.

 

 _Kevin_ , he decided in that moment, was public enemy number one as he turned towards the taller boy with pure anger in his eyes. It wasn't justifiable and it made no sense, but for some reason he felt it in his gut that Kevin knew what this would mean.

 

His stomach revolted against the fear and he thought about how he just let Neil slip right through his fingers. He was right there. Andrew could have leaned in and kissed him, and now he was left wondering if the damn martyr was even still breathing.

 

How could he have been so stupid? Neil said things like that all the time, with more or less words, but now.. Now he was seeing just how different they were as he started to shove his way through the crowd and towards the bag.

 

Someone else was already about to curl their fist around the strap when Andrew shoved into them and growled _don't_. He slipped the bag onto his shoulder, his long forgotten by the bus, before rushing back to the others. Without hesitation, he placed the bag inside the bus, throwing it until it landed on the driver seat before going back towards the riot.

 

_And for a voice that never speaks, I hear you so well_

_This is a sign to lock your doors!_

_You fear the unknown._

_I fear you're unknown._

 

He knew Neil would never be the one to ask for help, to say he was in too far to get himself out. It was something him and the curly-haired boy actually had in common, something he related to. Which was why he was now starting to grow not only angry, but beyond scared because he knew what sort of things could happen to someone like them. The types of things that _had_ happened to people like them.

 

He thought back to all the hands that had laid on him once, holding down his head or covering his mouth. He remembered the limbs he couldn't move and the tears that use to roll down his cheeks from the pain. He hadn't understood then, but he understood now as he twisted in a few circles, looking for the boy that made living feel not as unbearable as before.

 

What if they had grabbed him?

 

What if his past had finally caught up to him and Andrew wasn't there to protect him, to keep from those unwanted hands touching what wasn't theirs. Bile rose in his stomach as he grabbed for Aaron and finally shoved him onto the bus, reaching for Nicky's shirt as well to force inside. Two out of four were taken care of and his eyes were on the third, but the forth was still missing.

 

His mind started being cruel to him then. What if he had been taken and they were moving him like a puppet? What if someone was hurting Neil until he gave all he had to give without wanting to? Without his consent? He didn't believe in any gods and he wasn't about to pray and ask for them to help, but he wondered how there could be one that would let these things happen. What kind of deal was that?

 

There was still so much he needed to learn about Neil, so much he wanted to know so he could figure out just what laid beyond all the lies and secrets. There were kisses he still wanted to give and spots on his body Neil hadn’t been allowed to touch yet. Sure, he could see enough from Neil's actions and he remembered every single thing that he had ever been told, but that didn't mean he was done.

 

He wasn't done with _Neil Josten_.

 

_Silence is screaming your name and you say, you say you're not at war!_

 

He should have known, he grunts in his head. He should have known that everything Neil was hiding, everything he was trying to run from, would eventually lead to this moment. Except, he knew the boy hadn't ran. His racquet was here, his bag, his phone.. All things that cemented roots here with the foxes that Andrew _knew_ Neil would never give up willingly. That ridiculous boy was too in love with this sport, all he knew was this game, and he loved these damn foxes. Andrew didn't quite understand it, but he knew it meant something to Neil, and that was enough to tell him his fears were right.

 

Neil had been abducted.

 

He had been stolen from them, from _him_ , and as he silently screamed for the boy to make an appearance, he knew it would never come. He would have to go looking for him, himself. He would have to search every damn corner, every hidden space, every shadow, until he found the boy that made breathing easier.

_You fear the unknown._

_I fear you're alone._

As the chaos started to die down and police and medics were breaking up the fights, he found himself immediately going into action. He was determined, he would find Neil and bring him back home, but that stopped when a hand pressed against his chest, the other curled into her own, clearly injured. He was about to fight and shove until he saw Renee in front of him, nodding her head towards Kevin, who was trembling slightly. With furrowed eyebrows, Andrew went for him and once again, he had been right.

 

Kevin had realized _he_ was missing as well and Andrew saw red.

 

Red as his fingers curled around a thin throat. Red as he pressed his thumbs into the skin about the windpipe. Red as what little of the foxes were left tried to pull him off of their striker.

 

Neil was alone with horrible people. Neil was alone and Andrew couldn't get to him. He couldn't call and tell him to calm down and he couldn't grab the back of his neck to steady him. No, they were separated and Andrew didn't have the slightest clue other than an abandoned bag and a shaking Kevin Day, who suddenly looked guilty beyond compare.

 

He couldn't hear anything. He couldn't say anything. All he could see were those bright blue eyes saying those words to him and looking at him like he had strung up all the stars in the damn universe. He looked at him like he was an answer to something that Andrew both didn't want to be and didn't know what was being asked. He had looked at him like he was happy with what he had and Andrew should have been the first to notice that, that meant he felt he was about to lose everything.

 

If only Neil had realized that meant Andrew was about to lose everything as well.

_And for a voice that never speaks, I hear you so well._

_This is a sign to lock your doors!_

**Author's Note:**

> Come and visit me [here](http://sweaterpawnoctis.tumblr.com)!


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